Attack of the Ewan McGregor Clones
by Got Scots
Summary: Ewan McGregor meets up with all the characters he has ever played. Staring Ewan, ObiWan, Christian, Lincoln Six Echo and more! Please review!
1. Rose and the Golf Course

_I'm so sorry to make this chapter so lame. Please don't be turned off if you're reading it. It just that... I feel sick. I've been reported! I've been REPORTED! I had to change this story to non script form and fast._

_Okay so I know the main character are kind of the Doctor and Rose from the show Doctor Who. Sorry about that. If you haven't seen Doctor Who this is all you need to know: the Doctor and Rose travel around in a police box/time machine and save the world._

_Now, I hope everyone likes this. The scene I wrote is so long, I just decided to cut it into chapters. I hope you all enjoy! Ewan fans--UNITE!_

_x x x_

Rose and the Doctor were sprawled across the floor of the Police Box/Time Machine. They were both frantically looking around.

Rose asked, "Where are we?"

The doctor got up and looked at the screen, "September, 16, 2005. Apparently something bad is going to happen today."

"Why?"

"I dunno. I guess because wherever we land we always end up saving the world," the doctor shrugged.

"But it's my birthday! I don't wanna save the world," Rose pouted.

A smirk lit up the doctor's face, "Maybe you should take a step outside."

Rose got up, opened the door, expecting to see a giant birthday present or something, but was extremely disappointed to see a golf course. Three men were staring at her, jaws dropped, eyes wide. One of them was in the middle of swinging. She asked, "A golf course?"

"Yes, it's a golf course."

Rose asked, "What's the story this time, doctor? Are they man eating golf clubs?" She got out of the time machine and walked up to the three men. "Sorry to disturb your game, but--Oh my God!" She realized the three men are Hayden, George and Ewan. "I LOVE YOU!" She raced up to hug Ewan.

Ewan smiled, "Thank you."

George murmured to himself, "Why don't the pretty girls ever hug me?"

Ewan replied simply, "Because you're not Scottish."

George tried to adopt a fake, Scottish, accent, "Time for a wee game of golf, lads."

Rose just stared at him blankly.

"Not working," Ewan said with a wan smile.

_The end. Well, the end so far... Uch... keep reading, please. I'm sorry I can't write well, I'm kind of still feeling sick. Why was I reported? I don't wanna be reported. Please, MarshaMarshaMarsha person, don't report me! This story is my life! This story has 39 reviews! It's completed one of my writing goals! Nooo!_


	2. Meet ObiWan

_Uch. I'm so sorry this chapter looks so horrible. I just... I just... I can't type. My fingers are sick from the person who reported me. I really just want this story to be successful. I want people to read it and laugh. I didn't want to be reported._

_Okay for some reason I can't get the little line feature to work. Oh well. I hope you can differentiate (sp?) between the script and this junk in the beginning._

_Eww. I just found out my seven year old sister is getting a pair of flats. Eww._

_Anways, I hope this new format is less confusing. And I hope you find this chapter funnier than the last. Enjoy!_

George said to himself, "Why don't the pretty girls every hug me?"

"Because you're not Scottish," Ewan replied simply.

George adopts a fake, Scottish accent. "Time for a wee game of golf, lads."

Rose just stared blankly.

"Not working," Ewan said.

The Doctor walked up to the four of them. "Good morning everyone--EWAN!" He said quietly to himself, "I didn't think it would work..." And then to Ewan, "I LOVE YOU!" He hugged him.

"Why? Why?"George sighed.

Suddenly, a space ship hovered above them and lands on the green. A storming Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker stomped out.

"Why did I let _you _fly the ship?" Obi-Wan complained.

"Will you shut it, Master?" Ani snapped.

"Me? Don't you start with me again, Anakin!"

Ani drew his sabre, "Is that a challenge?"

"No--Oh, hello," he stared innocently at Rose and the bunch.

"Hi?" they all seemed to ask at the same time.

"Care to explain the ship?" George asked.

"Well... I... uh..." Obi-Wan stuttered.

"_Explain the ship or hug me_!" George shouted.

"But you're not Scottish..." Obi-Wan said.

George sighed loudly, "You're kidding me."

"I think I'm going to faint," Ewan stared wide-eyed at Obi-Wan.

"Hang in there, buddy," Hayden patted Ewan on the back.

The Doctor whispered to Rose, "This isn't good."

"If he faints they'll _never_ finish the Star Wars Trilogy in time," Rose whispered back.

"Exactly. Sometimes saving the world is tougher than you think," he whispered. Then he said loudly to Ewan, "Don't faint. Please."

Ewan shrugged, "Okay."

Rose coughed twice and then looked at the doctor, "Well..."

Anikin asked, "Can you help us fix our ship?"

_I still can't write for my life because of that stupid report. Why can't I get over it? It's gonna make me really upset. ARRRGHHH!_


	3. Is Love Just a Game?

_Okay we start where we left off. Not as much Obi-Wan in this chapter, but still. Please review! I beg of you! Please!_

ANI: Can you help us fix our ship?

(Suddenly, the group of golfers from the hole behind Ewan walk up.)

EWAN: Oh my God. Please don't tell me--

GOLFER: Kind sir, why--why do you look like me?

EWAN: (turns to group) Anyone got an Vodka?

OBI: Name you're price.

DOCTOR: For the sake of the trilogy, Obi-Wan!

OBI: (backs down) Here.

EWAN: (drinks it all then blurts out) Christian?

CHRISTIAN: Oh, yes. My name is Christian and these are my em... friends. Satine and the Duke.

HAYDEN: What is that... noise? It's like splashing.

(the group walks over to the water hazard and sees a young Edward Bloom splashing around.)

EDWARD: I guess I haven't turned into a fish yet.

ROSE: Oh my gosh! I like almost forgot! (Hugs Christian and Edward) I LOVE YOU GUYS!

EDWARD: Gee, thanks, miss.

CHRISTIAN: (remains completely serious and grabs Satine's hand) I'm sorry. I'm already taken.

DUKE: What?

SATINE: (stutters for a moment) Uh...uh... not taken by ME dear Duke... it's just that...

CHRISTIAN: I'm in love with...

SATINE: Obi-Wan. He's in love with Obi-Wan.

CHRISTIAN: (gives Satine a "you crazy?" look. Then, proceeds to lie.) Uh... yes. (reaches for Obi-Wan's hand instead.) Seeing a clone of myself with facial hair and a mullet seems to have really turned me on.

(Tom Lincoln and Lincoln Six Echo walk up to the course hand-in-hand.)

TOM: Story of my life. (looks lovingly at Echo.) Only, my schnookums doesn't have a mullet.

ECHO: (smiles and tickles Tom's neck gently) OR facial hair. Unless you want me to grow some, honey-buns.

EWAN: (turns pale) You're a couple?

HAYDEN: (starts fanning him along with the doctor.) Stay calm, pal. For the sake of the trilogy.

ECHO: Yeah, we're a couple. Jordan was just so... eh... well she's certainly not a beautiful as me.

ROSE: You can say THAT again.

ECHO: She's certainly not as beautiful as me.

ROSE: I forgot you took everything so literal...

EWAN: Why'd you have to be a couple? This completely ruins my perspective on the movie, yeh know?

CHRISTIAN: (gapes at Ewan) What?

EWAN: Well it's just kind of... sickening. Me dating myself. I don't like it.

CHRISTIAN: (singing) All you need is love! All you need is love! All you need is lovvvveee!

EWAN: (raises eyebrows) Love is just a game.

SATINE: Please, don't start that again.

_End of Scene One, Part Three._


	4. By George!

_By George, I reread the first three chapters of this and I actually laughed out loud (well more like snorted) at my own writing. How lame can you get? And can ANYONE tell me why the nice line seperater feature isn't working?_

CHRISTIAN: (singing) All you need is love! All you need is love! All you need is lovvvveee!

EWAN: (raises eyebrows) Love is just a game.

SATINE: Don't start that again.

(Suddenly a pigeon flies overhead. He's too busy staring at the seventh hole and the group of people on it that he doesn't see the tree in front of him. BAM!)

EWAN: What the--

HAYDEN: He's _animated_! How is that _possible_?

PIGEON: (dizzily finds his feet) Valiant the Pigeon here to deliver a message to a Mr. Ewan McGregor.

GEORGE: (mumbling) _He's_ not Scottish. No one's gonna hug him. He's a freakin' pigeon.

ROSE: Awww! (hugs and tickles Valiant under the wings) You are the cutest pigeon I have ever seen!

GEORGE: (loudly) Will somebody shoot me?

TOM: (pulls out gun) 'Bout time we shut him up.

OBI: So uncivilized. (Pulls out lightsaber and Anakin follows suit.)

GEORGE: My own characters? Trying to kill me? Well I think I've seen everything now.

DOCTOR: For the sake of the trilogy! And for the sake of Earth's nerd population! STOP!

OBI and ANI: (lower sabres)

TOM: But I--

DOCTOR: (falls to knees) Please? _Please_?

TOM: (lowers gun) It was a stage prop anyway.

VALIANT: (waddles up to Ewan) May I deliver your message now, sir?

EWAN: (unties message from his foot) Thanks. (reads aloud) Mr. Ewan McGregor, you are invited to a costume party. (Looks up and scans the crowd.)

GEORGE: (jumping up and down) We could make a lot of money for this! Dress you up as a seven headed monster... or seventuplets. People will _pay_ to see that kind of thing.

EWAN: I dunno...

(Suddenly a big, glass ball from Robot City smashes onto the course. Fender and Rodney Copperbottom stumble out.)

FENDER: I told you they hadn't fixed it yet, buddy.

RODNEY: I feel... (barfs up some nuts and bolts) sick.

EWAN: Hoobaduhwhatuhuh?

RODNEY: Hey! I say "hoobaduhwhatuhuh" the _exact_ same way! Watch: "hoobaduhwhatuhuh".

EWAN: Hoobaduhwhatuhuh?

RODNEY: Exactly. (pauses to think) You stole my voice!

EWAN: I _am_ your voice!

FENDER: This is weird.

GEORGE: I _lied_! An _eight_ headed monster!

EWAN: (defeated) If you wanna come to the party... it's tonight.

ALL CLONES: I'm in!

GEORGE: I'll be your manager. Fifty cents a peek.

EWAN: What?

GEORGE: Fifty cents to see the eight-headed monster!

_End of Scene One._

_Okay, so I lied. This is NOT the chapter that I am in. Look foward to seeing me cameo in my own story next chapter. How exciting! And dreamcaster555 has a cameo as well. Aren't we nifty?_

_By the way I bought a plaid cap today at the store. Write: "I love plaid caps" in your review if you're proud that I got it. Yay plaid!_


	5. This is the Outstanding Chapter

_Here we go..._

_If you're observational, you may have observed I rewrote this chapter. Good for you._

All the clones, Ewan, George, Hayden, Rose and the Doctor came to the Halloween party. They're trying to cover them with one of George's old bedsheets. Satine smiled lovingly as she corrected, "Christian, Christian, Christian. You have to stretch the bed sheet over like this."

All eight, hot, delicious forms of Ewan McGregor were huddled next to each other under a bed sheet.

Rodney turned to Christian and snarled, "You're scratching my metal."

Suddenly, George entered the tent with a handful of cash and a grin on his face. He looked over each one of the clones. "Alright, boys. Put on your scariest, eight-headed monster faces. I got a line of about ten customers waiting to see something creepy."

Rodney complained, "You do realize I don't exactly _look_ like anyone here."

And Valiant added, "And I can't flap my wings much longer."

George thought for a moment. He looked over at Hayden who was pretty much just standin there and said, "Hayden, will you get him a stool?" Hayden raced off and George opened the tent to the paying customers. After a few people came in, two giggly girls entered. Their names were Laura and Sam.

Laura smiled at the spooky room. She said, "This is cool."

The monster of eight-heads continued being scary. "Aaaarrrrrghhhhh! Roar!"

Laura glanced over at her friend, Sam. She asked a bit worriedly, "Something wrong?"

Sam's mouth hung wide open. "Dang! That is one sexy monster. Eight heads of hotness."

"Yeah," Laura giggled. "Kind of reminds me of Ewan McGregor."

Ewan turned pale.

Sam laughed. "Yeah, like _the great _Ewan McGregor would sell himself for 50 cents a look on Halloween night. If I were Ewan McGregor I'd charge like 700 bucks."

Ewan murmured, "Isn't _that_ funny..." He realized Sam and Laura were staring at him and began the scary monster act again. "Uh... _Roar!"_

"Excuse me? Head number two did you just say something?" Laura asked.

Ewan's voice cracked adorably. "I... I said _roar_. I just said _roar_ forty times in a row. Why would I say anything else?"

"Hey!" Sam said to Laura. "It's a _Scottish_ eight headed monster."

"Haha, it is, isn't it?" Laura laughed. She knew Sam loved and adored anything Scottish. Suddenly, she saw her friend had an evil grin on her face. "Oh no..."

"Hey. Hey! Hey!" Sam couldn't get George's attention.

"Oh. What?" George finally said.

Sam smirked and looked the Scottish heads over. "If I give you an extra five bucks can I kiss every head on this Scottish monster? ...Minus the pigeon."

Laura said, "She'd do anything to kiss a Scot."

George's hands flew up in the air. "Well that's good enough for me!" He took the five dollars and stuffed in his pocked gleefully.

Sam happily kissed every head until she reached the _real _Ewan. She stopped for a moment and said, "You look... familiar."

Ewan nervously replied with, "Roar!"

"Seriously. You do," Sam speculated.

Laura realized it first. She stepped back, her eyes wide and asked, "Ew--ew--ewan McGregor?"

"Psh, no. Like I said, Ewan wouldn't sell--" Sam began.

"_Roar_! Get out of the tent! _Roar_!" Ewan tried to cover for himself.

"It seems our star--" George began.

Ewan said, "It seems our star needs a bathroom break! Out, out, out!"

But, Sam was star struck. She couldn't move. "B-b-but. You _do _resemble Ewan McGregor, sir. Every single one of your heads resembles him as a matter of fact."

Rodney smirked, "Do you really think I'm that handsome?"

"Except for you and Mr. Pigeon over there."

"Valiant the Pigeon!" Valiant corrected.

Laura laughed. "Excuse me? Valiant is an animated character!"

Sam had finally figured it out. She said, "Hang on, Laura." She began walking down the row of heads and naming them all. "Tom Lincoln? Valiant? Edward Bloom? Obi-Wan Kenobi?"

Ewan was mortified. He cried, "Stop!"

But Sam refused. "Lincoln Six Echo? Rodney Copperbottom? Ewan McGregor?"

Ewan was sweating bullets. "Heh."

"What about me?" Christian asked.

Sam said, "You too--_Christian_? You're my favourite character ever!"

"Would you get out! I gotta go!" Ewan suddenly remembered his need to use the men's room.

However, Sam and Laura would not miss this for the world. "Oh, just go in your pants," Sam snapped.

Ewan's face turned bright red. "I'm wearing a kilt."

A smile lit up Sam's face. She was thrilled! "Oh my God! Can I see?" She was about the lift up the sheet when George grabbed her shoulders.

"Yes, yes. I think it's about time our star took a break," George added.

"Oh my gosh! I love you all so much!" Laura squealed.

"Me too!" Sam said. Both the girls group-hugged the eight-headed monster.

George angrily pulled out his knife.

Suddenly the Doctor raced in, "Don't do it, George! For the sake of the--"

"Trilogy, yeah, I know." He sadly put away the knife and realized that no one was ever going to hug him. But he didn't give up hope.

Ewan said, "Well, bye, girls!" The monster struggled under the sheet to push the girls out of the tent, but finally succeeded.

Outside the tent, Sam mused, "There's no way I'm letting that _tent_ get in the way of me and my eight, hot Scots!" She rubbed her fingers together like an evil villian for effect.

"Hey. I should at least get four," Laura whined.

Sam huffed, "Fine. But I call Ewan, Obi-Wan, Christian and Tom. You can have the lame animated characters."

"Thanks. I feel the love."

"Yes, the love between me and my babes!" Sam drooled.

"No, not really."

Sam turned her mind back to the problem. George seemed to secretly be unloading his "stars" from the tent to a sixties hippy van. "I say we follow that van," Sam smirked.

_End of Scene Two._

_Okay, so you'll have to forgive me. I realized these are not ALL of Ewan's characters. I'm only allowed to watch the ones that are rated PG-13 and I forgot Catcher Block. I'll have to add him in someday._

_I hope you liked this chapter--it's my favourite so far. And no I'm not that crazy nor outgoing in real life. I'd probably just faint if I saw eight Ewan clones._

_Watch the Emmys tonight and pray for my man Henry Ian Cusick nominated for Oustanding Guest Star in a Drama Series. (The Drama Series is LOST.) I SAY: "You're already oustanding in MY world, Henry!"_


	6. Confetti, Kilts and Martinis

_Wow. After seeing all the reviews Chapter Five got, I was inspired to write another chapter. I know it's pretty weird to put up two chapters in two days, but I'm like that. I'd just like to clairify that I don't own fanfiction or the Scot Scouts. My friend Shelby (who is not a big fan of Ewan McGregor, but I am finding away to fit her into the story anyway) came up with that one._

_Enjoy, you Ewan fans, you!_

LAURA: Thanks. I feel the love.

SAM: Yes, the love between me and my babes!

LAURA: No, not really.

SAM: I say we follow that tent.

(WARNING: If you are somehow against writing in paragraphs do not read the next chapter. From now on I will be writing in paragraphs. If you have a problem with that, go rewrite the following chapter in script form. But I guess that would be kind of hard to do, seeing as you'd refuse to read it. Anyways...)

Now, Laura and Sam had been following the sixties van packed with Scots for about two miles on their bikes. As they huffed up the hill, Laura said, "I can't pedal much longer..."

"Me neither," Sam sighed. "But remember--they're Scottish. Eight adorable Scottish beings--_all_ Ewan McGregor look-a-likes."

Ironically, both of them began to pedal _much_ faster...

(Inside the hectic sixties van.)

George and the gang scrambled about as Ewan was repeatedly shouting, "Faster! Faster!" to Tom Lincoln who was driving as fast as he could. Soon, the van stopped at the Lucas residence where, thankfully, the rest of George's family was out for the weekend. (This story _really_ does not need anymore characters thrown in there.)

As George suspiciously stepped out of the car he noted, "Hey, they're gone..." Then shouted to everyone, "Guys! The stalker girls are gone!"

Ewan whipped some confetti out his kilt, tossed it up in the air and started doing the disco.

Hayden stared blankly. "My God. What else do you keep in there?"

Once all the confetti had fallen, Ewan shrugged. "Lots of things. Ever since I joined the Scot Scouts as a wee lad, I learned to be prepared for anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything." Ewan replied gravely as the Scottish flag waved behind him as a background.

When the flag disappeared and the superhero-ish music stopped blaring, Tom came up with an idea. "Oh my!" he cried. "I feel faint!" Lincoln Six Echo stood behind him, ready to catch his fall. Tom continued, "I fear the only thing that can save me is... is... a martini on the rocks!"

"Got one!" two voices exclaimed. Ewan turned around, one hand still searching his kilt, and stared. One of the annoying kids had popped out of the bushes with a martini in hand. The other popped up seconds after.

"Sam!" she exclaimed. Then she stared at Ewan and her jaw dropped.

Ewan's eyes widened when he realized the position he was in. He yanked his hands to his side and slapped on a fake smile. "Hello girls."

Laura said, "You--you--you--"

"It's not what it looks like..."

George gladly butted in. "Hey! Girls, girls. If we allow you to join us for dinner will you _promise_ not to tell anyone about all this?"

"Sure!" they smiled.

As everyone headed inside, Laura asked Sam, "Since when do you carry around martinis?"

"Ever since I joined the Scot Scouts as a wee lass, I've learned to be prepared for anything."

"Scot Scouts? You never lived in Scotland!"

Sam shook her finger and smirked. "But on fanfiction _anything_ can happen. Trust me. I've read a lot of slash stories in my day. It's a crazy world..."

"So you're Scottish in this story?"

"Oh, I'm Scottish in real life."

"But in this story you lived in Scotland and joined the Scot Scouts?"

"That is correct."

"Okay... _who_ are the Scot Scouts?"

George interrupted. "Would either of you like to sit next to me and my lovable Scottishness?"

Sam said, "Psh. George Lucas? Scottish? I'll believe it when I see you eat haggis."

"I could serve--"

"Don't get any ideas. I'm not _that _hungry." She winks at Ewan "For _food_."

"Uh..." Hayden came awkwardly between the three of them. "Laura? Would you like to sit between me and Anakin tonight?"

"Would I ever!" Laura cried. She rushed to her seat with a wide smile on her face.

"Yussss!" Sam said to herself as she hurried over to her Ewan. "I'm sitting between you and Christian," she stated.

"Says who?" Ewan's voice cracked yet again.

"Says me." Ewan was about to argue adorably, but Sam added, "Or I'll tell people how you get your martinis."

Once everyone was seated at the fancy table George dinged his glass with a knife. "Let the dinner begin!" Everyone shifted in their chairs to sit up properly.

_And now the fun begins. SOON TO COME: Tons of Ewan bashing, non-George hugging and me acting even more out of character than the other chapters. Scary thoughts..._

_And a quick shout out to Henry Ian Cusick: He may not have won the Emmys but I still love him very much. VERY much. I COULD write a fic about him meeting all his characters, but I only know of two. The day Jesus meets Desmond... yeah... that wouldn't make a great story..._


	7. We Didn't Start the Fire

_Enjoy the last chapter of the summer. I got back to school on the fifth. I think I'd rather eat haggis._

Once everyone was seated at the fancy table George dinged his glass with a knife. "Let the dinner begin!" Everyone shifted in their chairs to sit up properly.

The appetizer just happened to be Sam's favourite--delicious potato skins loaded with melted cheese and bacon bits with a side of sour cream. (My God, that sounds delicious. I should write menus.) No haggis was in sight.

As Sam began digging into the delicious food, George attempted to start up some conversation. "Uh... so... I'm glad you all could come..."

"So are we," Laura said dreamily as she looked at both the Haydens.

Edward Bloom licked his fingers and stated, "This appetizer is nothing like the food in Specter."

"It's quite modern," Christian speculated as he picked at the bacon. "Kind of gross looking actually."

Sam said, "I think it's great."

Awkward silence.

Longer awkward silence.

So long of an awkward silence that even the air conditioner turned silent.

Suddenly, a waiter and a waitress burst in. The waiter scooped up Ewan's plate and _then_ asked, "Are you done with this, sir?"

"I guess I am _now_," Ewan mumbled. "Hey wait! Are you... are you... Catcher Block?"

The waiter turned around and smiled that Catcher Block smile. "Why yes I am. Ladies man, man's man, man--"

"_Okay_!" Ewan burst. "You know what? I am sick and tired of my characters popping up out of no where!" Then, out of no where, a potato skin was shot in the air and hit Ewan's face. If he were an animated character he would have steam coming out of his ears. As the melted cheese, potato and bacon bits slid down his face they revealed an angry, furious (but still hot!) Scottish guy. He murmured a few curse words and then yelled, "_Who _did that?"

Sam snickered in her chair. She had not done it, but Ewan looked especially hot with cheese on his face as well as an angry glare.

"You?" Ewan turned to Sam.

"Me? What? No!"

"You."

"It was _not_. The potato came from across the table. And I _ate _all mine."

Ewan eyed the people across from him. Lincoln Six Echo, George and Obi-Wan were all in the perfect position. And Obi-Wan certainly had the skills to throw a potato and hit him in the face. What are those years of Jedi training worth anyway, if one cannot hit his enemy in the face with a potato? Ewan snarled at him and then slumped in his chair.

Now the waitress broke the silence. She spoke to Sam. "May I take your plate?"

"Hang on," Sam said. The waitress looked terribly confused since Sam's plate was completely clean. "_Shelby?_"It was indeed one of Sam's best friends, Shelby, who was waitressing at George Lucas' house.

"_Sam?_"

"How did you... get a job waitressing for George Lucas? Mr. Gunn would kill for this job."

"_Mr_. Gunn wouldn't make a very good _waitress_."

"You have a point."

"Well, you know how my mom really wanted me to get a summer job?"

"Yeah..."

"_This_ is my summer job."

"Dude."

"Will you two shut _up_?" Ewan interrupted. "I'm going through my mid-life crisis here!"

"I _like_ your mid-life crisis," Sam added quietly.

"_Shut up_! How do you get _rid_ of these characters?" Ewan was facing Sam and hadn't realized another potato had been flung at him. It hit the side of his face and growled Scottishly. He yanked the potato off of his chin and slammed it on the table. "Who did that?" he asked.

Everyone just kind of smirked. None of them replied.

"Obi-Wan?" Ewan asked, "Did you really eat your two potatoes?"

"Yes, of course. Mmmm delicious too. I love cheese--"

"_Stop_! Why should I believe you?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I like potatoes I guess. Actually I _love_ potatoes--"

"Let me smell your breath." So Ewan leaned over the wooden table as did Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan could feel the awkwardness at the table around them as he leaned closer. He opened his mouth but suddenly--

"Ahh! Oh my God! I'm on fire! Ahh!" No, it was not Ricky Bobby, it was Ewan. He had mistakenly leaned over one of George's expensive five-hundred dollar candles and his shirt was on fire.

"Stop, drop and roll, buddy. Stop drop and roll," Hayden said.

"For the sake of the trilogy put him out!" the Doctor wailed.

Obi-Wan snickered to Christian, "Heheheh, that's what he gets for wishing us away." Christian laughed with him but stared worriedly at his Scottish clone.

Ewan was dancing around the table flailing his arms about. He was screaming in a high-pitched, deliciously hot, girly voice, "Get it off! Get it off!"

Sam backed away and said, "Stop moving around you idiot--I mean, extremely sexy idiot."

But, Ewan continued to dance. Hayden howled over the commotion, "Remain calm, Ewan. Remain calm!" Ewan took a deep breath in as the flames continued to crawl up his shirt. He tried to meditate as the fire got closer an closer to his skin. "Not _that _calm!" Hayden added.

"Hang on, it's okay," Ewan said, as if somebody else was on fire. "I have a fire extinguisher in my kilt." He tried to reach to get it, but he couldn't without catching his sleeves on fire as well.

"I can help!" Sam said... a little _too _quickly.

"No thanks," Ewan started sweating, "I got this." He moved his arms in every direction but could not reach his kilt. "I... I got this, really." But in fact, he did not "got this". It was either he die in flames or have his biggest fan reach into his kilt. "Oh, fine," he said as he edged closer to Sam who gladly retrieved the fire extinguisher. She put out the fire and covered Ewan in that white foam stuff. Ewan smiled, "Thanks." He took the fire extinguisher back and was about to stuff it in his kilt when he saw a flash near the bushes outside. "Did anyone else see that?" he stared quizzically at the bushes, one hand still in his kilt.

Hayden said, "It was like a flash." The two stars exchanged looks. They knew what that meant. Soon another flash came from the bushes, and another. Hayden was too afraid to say the word and Ewan was horrifically frozen in fear.

"Paparazzi!" George wailed. Everyone screamed in terror except for Sam, Shelby and Laura who were posing for the camera in the bushes.

"Everybody hide!" Ewan screamed as he grabbed the girls and raced under the table. Everybody else found a hiding spot (most of them under the table) and stared nervously at the bushes.

_Dun dun dun. What shall happen next? The mystery continues. Wow. I wonder how many times I have said Scotland or Scottish in this story. Probably like one hundred._

_Well, Shelby, I hope you like your cameo with Catcher Block. And if any of you are wondering who "Mr. Gunn" is, he was our eighth grade social studies teacher--and completely obsessed with Star Wars. I'm 99 percent sure he could name every planet in the Star Wars galaxy._

_And I'm working on rewriting chapter five. That should be fun..._


	8. Mission: Paparazzi

"Paparazzi!" George wailed. Everyone screamed in terror except for Sam, Shelby and Laura who were posing for the camera in the bushes.

"Everybody hide!" Ewan screamed as he grabbed the girls and raced under the table. Everybody else found a hiding spot (most of them under the table) and stared nervously at the bushes. Ewan's eyes were wide as he said mainly to himself, "I gotta get these clones out of here…"

"But how?" Sam asked dramatically as she stared into Ewan's beautiful eyes. Ewan edged closer to Shelby and Sam edged closer to Ewan.

Suddenly, the doctor spoke up. "There's a lot of futuristic buttons in my time machine. I'm sure there's one that makes people disappear."

"Really?" Ewan smiled.

"Well, actually there is. Great help too. Got my mum to shut up after all…" the doctor looked back on his memories.

"That's wicked!" Sam exclaimed.

"That's impossible!" Shelby cried. "You can't just make people disappear! Like… where do they go?"

"Ever seen the show Chalkzone?" the doctor asked.

"No," Shelby replied honestly.

"Good. Because that has nothing to do with it."

Shelby rolled her eyes and moved away from Ewan who was a little too close for comfort. Shelby supposed he was just trying to get away from Sam. "How does it work then?"

"Well, I guess it takes people to an alternate world," the doctor shrugged.

Rose shivered. "Your poor mum."

"Shut up," the doctor snapped. Then he smiled at Shelby. "Yep. That's how it works."

"That's so cool…" Sam said.

There was a long silence. Finally, Ewan spoke up, "Let's get to that time machine then."

The doctor looked a wee bit uneasy. "How will we do that without the paparazzi seeing us? I mean they are kind of… distracting," he said as he motioned to the clones.

"Hey, I got an idea," Hayden spoke up.

Soon, all the clones and Ewan had paper grocery bags on top of their heads with little holes cut out for the eyes. No one else could see it, but Ewan was rolling his eyes underneath. "My God… Hayden. Sometimes you are so--"

"Intelligent? I know. That's why they cast me in Star Wars," Hayden smiled.

"Really?" Ewan raised one eyebrow although he was not intrigued at all.

George whispered, "That's what we like him to think." "Yes, Hayden, of course," he said aloud.

Hayden beamed with pride. Ewan snarled, "Well they cast me 'cause I'm intelligent too."

"Nuh-uh," Hayden argued.

"Yeah-huh," Ewan made a face.

Hayden wrinkled his nose and drew a pair of horns on Ewan's paper bag when he wasn't looking.

The many clones, the girls and George, Hayden, the doctor and Rose hurried outside. The doctor had decided he would go first and set up the time machine. Sam trailed at the end of the queue with her boom box in hand. As soon as the doctor began sneaking across the lawn, Sam's boom box began blaring the Mission Impossible theme (which she is actually listening to as she writes this for effect).

_Dun dun da dum. Dun dun da dum. Dun dun da dum…_

The doctor turned around in shock and glared at Sam. She was not making this any easier… but alas, he decided to go with it.

_Da da dummm! Da da dummm!_

The music was louder now as the doctor somersaulted across the grass. He failed to notice George's pale face or his _Do Not Walk on Grass _sign. The doctor started cartweeling and shooting a fake gun. He did hand stands, karate, acrobatic jumps, fake punches and kicks until everyone else got bored. Sam angrily turned of the music.

_Da da dummm! Da da--_

"Hey!" the doctor cried. Automatically the paparazzi cameras started flashing. He was doomed to the front page of Entertainment. "Noooo!" The doctor cried as he shielded his face with his arms. He raced to the time machine and started it up.

Each clone began their walk of shame as they raced over to the time machine. "I can't see!" Christian cried as he collapsed inside the police box. "What _are_ those flashing devices?"

No one answered him.

Ewan was the last clone to go. He whispered to Sam, "I can see the cover of people magazine now: George Lucas Rapes Ten Paper-Bag-Headed Men and Sends them to Police Box."

Sam laughed hysterically. Not that the joke was practically funny, but she wanted Ewan to think it was. "That's funny," she added, just to make sure he believed her fake laugh.

"Hurry, Ewan! You can make it," Hayden pushed his friend off as he left George's front door.

Unfortunately, Ewan had not been expecting Hayden's push. He tripped over his own feet, fell sprawled across the lawn and his paper bag flew off his head. The cameras were taking pictures like mad. "No," Ewan was horrified as he reached for the bag, "No!"

_Ewww guess what? I'm back in school! So yes, unfortunatly there will be less updates--but hopefully not less reveiws. Hey, and since this story is almost finished I'm looking for big time reviews here. Like reviews pooring in from the sky. If you've been reading this story and are to shy to review, don't worry. I won't hate you. I will automatically love you._

_Or if that scares you, I will simply send you a thank you for reviewing message._

_FOR THE SAKE OF THE TRILOGY PLEASE REVIEW!_


	9. A Hot Guest Appearance and a Shrine

Unfortunately, Ewan had not been expecting Hayden's push. He tripped over his own feet, fell sprawled across the lawn and his paper bag flew off his head. The cameras were taking pictures like mad. "No," Ewan was horrified as he reached for the bag, "No!"

Sam would not let them get her Ewan this way. "Ahhh!" she yelped as she raced towards the bushes. She jumped into the patch of bushes where the most flashes were coming from. Ewan froze and listened to the helpless paparazzi.

"Ow!"

"Ahhh!"

"My leg!"

He smirked at the advantage to having faithful fans.

Sam tackled the paparazzi, punched them, slapped them and cursed at them in Pig Latin. "How dare you!" she exclaimed as she slapped a young man with thick, blond locks. "Don't you publish those!"

"Please!" the man looked up at her. It was Jude Law.

"_What_?" Sam exclaimed. This day was getting crazier by the minute.

"Please," Jude looked defenceless. "I'm just taking pictures for my shrine! Whoops." His face flooded with embarrassment. He struggled to get Sam off of him. She thought about doing so for a moment, but then remembered who it was.

"_Jude Law_? What _shrine_?"

"Oh, no," Ewan clumsily picked up his paper bag and stumbled over to the bushes. The image he saw of Sam and Jude looked completely wrong. "Jude? What are you doing here?" he asked this as if they were standing in the pasta isle of the grocery store.

"Em…" Jude thought for a minute. "I thought I'd earn some extra money by becoming a photographer in my spare time."

"You mean a paparazzi?" Sam asked.

"No," Jude smiled wanly, "A photographer."

"What were you photographing?" Ewan asked as he eyed his friend with curiosity.

"I uh… G-George Lucas' beautiful lawn."

Sam smirked. "You said you were taking photos for your _shrine_."

Jude nodded his head as he tried to think of an answer. "Of beautiful lawns," he finished.

"You have a shrine of beautiful lawns?" Ewan double-checked. Jude nodded with a not-so-convincing smile on his face. "Okay," Ewan shrugged and motioned for Sam to leave.

"_Okay_?" Sam asked. "He was taking pictures of you!" Ewan just fake-smiled. "Last time I checked you're not a beautiful lawn." Ewan started nodded and eyed Sam as if to say _let's go_! "I mean, don't get me wrong, you are beautiful. Very beautiful. It's just that you're not made of grass. All though you do have a very nice--"

"_Sam_!" Ewan stopped her before she became a poet and didn't even know it. "Let's leave. We've got to get rid of my clones, remember?"

Sam stood up reluctantly as Jude asked, wide-eyed, "There's more of you?"

"Another time, yeah?" Ewan said.

"Okay," Jude watched Ewan as if he were God.

Sam and Ewan exited the bushes and made a run for the time machine. Everyone was there waiting for them. They shut the door and turned to expectant glances. "What was that all about?" Laura asked. Shelby just stared at Sam as if she knew what had happened. And who knows? If she can get a job at George Lucas' house, she may have very well known what happened.

"I… eh… erm…" Sam was struggling for words.

"She thought one of the paparazzi was hot," Ewan smiled.

Sam looked up at him angrily and then decided to go with it.

"She thought he had a temperature?" Christian asked adorably.

"No," Sam laughed, "He just had similar features of a certain Henry Ian Cusick." Yes, she was a very good liar. Ewan seemed to look proud.

Shelby said, "That explains everything."

The doctor took over the conversation. "I believe it's this button here that sends people away. You'll just have to make sure they're standing on this square right here. Not to hard, right?"

"Right," Ewan nodded as if he were listening to good music.

The doctor pressed the pink button with a flower on it. "Didn't realize it had that design on it…" he mumbled to himself.

A computer voice echoed throughout the time machine. "Please say your password."

The doctor suddenly blushed and Rose giggled. He mumbled something so that no one could here. "Please repeat your password." He mumbled something again. "Please repeat your password, louder."

The doctor stated clearly, but nervously, "The doctor."

"Access denied."

"You mean to tell me that after all this you don't know your own password?" Ewan's voice went up a few octaves and his eyebrows slanted.

"No, no, it's okay," the doctor smiled wanly and pushed the button again.

"Please say your password."

"Doctor Knockers," the doctor murmured.

"Please repeat your password."

"Doctor Knockers!" the doctor howled and slammed his fist at the machine.

There was an awkward silence among the crowd as the computer made a beeping sound and then said, "Place item on the glowing square."

Everyone seemed to shove Rodney up onto the platform. Rodney shouted, "Hey! Why me?" He was pushed onto the square until it glowed green. He eyed the crowd with anger.

"Let go of your anger," Obi-Wan patted Rodney on the back.

"Shut up, you bearded freak." No one knew Rodney was that mean. Or angry.

The computer beeped again and the doctor pressed the pink flowery button. There was a very cool, science fictiony sound and Rodney was warped into another world. Everyone stared at the empty space in amazement except for the doctor and Tom Lincoln. Tom snarled and bragged, "Still not as cool as my couch."

_Well, first of all a big round of applause for anyone who ever reviewed this story. Yussss! I have accomplished my goal of reaching 30 reviews on one story. Thank you all so much._

_Now I just have to go in and change it to forty to keep ya'll reviewin'._

_Well I hope you especially liked the hot, British guest appearance in this chapter. And for any of you who were wondering, Henry Ian Cusick is Desmond on LOST. The next chapter will probably be the last, but this will probably be followed up by a sequal (I already have a funny idea for one). So once this story is over, be sure to check out my pen name._

_And read and review any of my other stories if you're feeling kind._


	10. It's a ShowStopping Number!

_I'm so happy this line feature is working again. It's quite nice!_

* * *

The computer beeped again and the doctor pressed the pink flowery button. There was a very cool, science fictiony sound and Rodney was warped into another world. Everyone stared at the empty space in amazement except for the doctor and Tom Lincoln. Tom snarled and bragged, "Still not as cool as my couch."

Everyone was too afraid to ask what Tom's couch did, so the doctor said, "Next victim?" The clones looked around at each other with worried looks.

"C'mon, Tommy-Buns," Lincoln smiled. "Let's go back to the future."

"Hey, good flick," Sam noted.

"Shut up," Tom smacked Sam as he stepped up onto the square with Lincoln. Sam felt the side of her face dreamily. It had indeed been a smack of love.

"Oh, Tom," she sighed. "I love you too."

"What?" Tom Lincoln asked as the doctor pushed the button and Tom and his clone began to slowing fade away.

Sam sighed, "Why did he have to go?"

Slowly and one by one, all the clones began to make their return to the alternate world. Sam, Laura and Shelby clawed dramatically at the air and screamed things like, "Why did they have to go?"

"Could you not handle the hotness?"

"I miss them!"

It was a sad, sad day at the Skywalker ranch (or wherever George lives). Soon, only Obi-Wan, Anakin and the adorable Christian were left. Sam and Ewan began shoving Anakin up onto the glowing square. Laura pounded the ground and asked, "Why?"

Anakin stood on the square stupidly. "But what about my master?" Before he could say anymore, his figure had vanished. Obi-Wan stood in the corner with a smug grin across his face, "Finally. That little nuisance will be gone. And now I won't die. I can live my life out through all six of the movies. No more of this die for Luke crap."

Sam agreed, "I didn't like that part very much either. Luke is ugly. You're hot. Well, you were in your younger days…"

"Hey!"

Ewan asked, "Does that mean you'll think I'm ugly when I'm older?"

Sam smiled, "Of course not."

"Shoot."

Sam folded her arms and began to ponder on why Ewan would want her to think that he was ugly.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan was being forced onto the square. "Please don't make me!" he cried. "I can't follow that kid! He wants to kill me!"

"Shut it," Ewan snapped as Obi's final foot was unwillingly placed on the glowing square. He smirked at his job well done.

"No!" Obi-Wan cried. He pulled out his lightsaber and held it to Ewan's neck. Ewan's eyes widened and he stared at George.

"He's your character!" Ewan's voice cracked. "Make him put it away!"

George glared at Ewan, "No."

"What?" Ewan asked. "I'll give you a hug."

"Really?" George's eyes lit up.

"I promise! Make him stop and I'll give you a nice, long, bear hug. I'll even make the growling, bear noise!" Ewan cried. Obi lifted the lightsaber higher towards Ewan's chin.

George tried, "Stop it, Obi-Wan."

Obi just smirked and gripped the sabre even tighter.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm warning you."

Obi-Wan got this look in his eyes that read, "I'm gonna cut his head off."

"Fine," George said as he suddenly ripped off his shirt. Don't worry, underneath it was a full set of Jedi robes. He did a back flip and as he did, a glowing green lightsaber appeared in his hands.

Sam found this the opportune moment to start blaring "I Predict a Riot" on the unused boom box.

George and Obi-Wan fought for a long time as the crowd watched with excitement. Obi-Wan looked tired, but somehow George had become full of energy. Sam guessed it was the hug incentive that inspired him.

Suddenly, Obi-Wan was cornered in a… well, in a corner. George grinned and taunted, "Ready to go on the square yet?"

"Not exactly," Obi-Wan pushed out of the corner and backed George against the opposite wall. "How did you learn to fight better, achem, _as good as _me?"

"I invented you," George shrugged as he cornered Obi again. "I made all your moves. Therefore, I know all your moves."  
"Sith," Obi-Wan spat. He looked down and suddenly realized he had been caught on the square. "Nooooo!" he cried as he faded away.

"Wow," Sam said after she had turned off the music. "And I thought you were a lame, old guy."

George wiped the sweat off of his face. "Ready for that hug, buddy?"

Ewan winced as he looked over George's sweat drenched cloaks. "Sure…" He inched his way over to George and wrapped his arms around him. "Growl, growl," he said. "Done yet?" he asked.

"Nope," George smiled. "As a matter of fact, why don't we all get in for a group hug?"

"Okay!" Sam smiled as she raced and wrapped her arms around Ewan, not even touching George. Everyone else slowly followed suit.

"Where do I fit?" a voice asked from the back of the time machine. Everyone let go of the embrace as soon as they realized Christian had not vanished yet.

"You fit right here," Ewan pointed to the glowing tile.

"I do?" Christian stepped forward.

"Oh, c'mon!" Sam cried. "That's not fair! Can't you at least keep the cutest one here?"

"No," Ewan said flatly.

"Please?" Sam begged. "I could really use a souvenir!"

"There is no way…" Ewan began to laugh.

Sam cried, "I love him!"

"Love?" Christian asked. "Love is a many splendoured thing! Love lifts us up where we belong! All you need is love!"

"Please don't start that again," Ewan huffed.

Christian suddenly felt the need to burst out into song. Luckily, Sam's CD had the "Elephant Love Medley" on it as well as "Mission Impossible" and "I Predict a Riot". Let's just say it was her own mix. "All you need is love," he sang, "all you need is love. All you need is love!"

"Love is just a game," Ewan eyed Christian.

"I was meant for lovin' you baby, you were meant for lovin' me!"

"The only way you'd love me baby is to pay a lovely fee," Ewan found himself reciting lines that didn't make sense at all. Why would he love Christian?

"Just one night, give me just one night!"

"There's no way 'cause you can't pay."

"In the name of love, one night in the name of love!"

Shelby smiled at the mention of one of her favourite bands, U2.

"You crazy fool, I won't give into you."

"Don't leave me this way. I can't survive without your sweet love, oh baby. Don't leave me this way."

"You'd think that people would've had enough of silly love songs," Ewan spoke flatly.

"I look around me and I see it isn't so. Oh, no," Christian smiled.

"Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs."

"Well, what's wrong with that, I'd like to know. 'Cause here I go again!" Christian stood on top of the control panel in the middle of the room and opened is mouth to sing. Surprisingly, nothing came out.

Sam's eyes widened. She couldn't let Christian ruin this amazing, show-stopping number. And she couldn't let Ewan have enough time to realize what he was actually doing. She raced up to Christian and stood on the control panel with him. "Love lifts us up where we belong! Where eagles fly! On a mountain high!" she belted out.

"Love makes us act like we are fools," the doctor sang back to her. "Throw our lives away, for one happy day."

"We could be heroes!" Ewan hit every note.

"Just for one day," Laura added.

"You, you will be mean," Ewan glared at Sam. "And I? I'll drink all the time."

"We should be lovers!" Sam sang.

"We can't do that," Hayden whispered.

"We should be lovers, and that's a fact!" Laura sang to her man, Hayden.

"Though nothing will keep us together," Shelby sang as she stared at the beautiful Christian.

"We could steal time just for one day!" Sam sang to Ewan.

"We could be heroes, forever and ever," the two of them crooned together.

"We could be heroes, forever and ever," Shelby and Christian sang.

"We could be heroes," Laura and Hayden were nearly wrapped in each other's arms.

"Just because I will always love you!" Christian sang.

"I can't help loving you!" Laura sang.

"How wonderful life is…" Sam began.

"Now you're in the world," Ewan helped her finish.

Suddenly, the doctor became either French, Italian or Latin and belted out a few mixed up words just like the moon does in the movie Moulin Rouge. There were fireworks and sparkling stars and each couple began to kiss. Rose clapped and squealed as the doctor nodded proudly at the scene.

All the sudden, George stomped on the floor. Everyone turned to stare at him. "I don't like this ending," he said in a nasally voice.

"Sucks for you!" Ewan cried. He crinkled his nose at George and returned to his new lover, Sam.

"B-b-but…" George's hands flung up in the air. "I'll never be loved." He began to exit the police box when Rose stopped him.

"George wait!" she cried.

All the couples stopped whatever they were doing and turned to face either Rose or George. "What?" George rolled his eyes at her.

Rose shifted her stance and looked at the ground. "I uh… I think you're pretty nifty."

"Nifty?" George asked. Then, he covered with, "Well I er… I think you're pretty nifty too."

The doctor smiled and asked, "Is everything settled then? 'Cause erm… I've got a world to save."

Sam looked over at Christian and then puppy-dog-eyed Ewan. "Can he stay?"

"I… I guess. He was the only sweet one."

Christian smiled at this and so did Shelby.

"Good, good," the doctor began to usher everyone out of his time machine and onto George's lawn. He shut the door and turned to Rose, "Shall we get going then? What do you say we go eh… to the year 2019."

"What happens then?"

"I guess you'll have to find out," the doctor said with a glint in his eye. He pulled a blue lever and things in the room started getting swervy.

The last thing they heard as the made their transition was a howling yelp. "GET OFF MY GRASSSSSS!"

* * *

_I would suggest, if you didn't already think of the idea, to listen to the Elephant Love Medly while reading that section of the story. I found it a bit funnier._

_Anyway, I hope you liked the journey of my very first comedy story ever! Quite interesting wasn't it? Well, I hope there will be a sequal to this soon. I'm already thinking of ideas and I think I'm going to have one about the clones in their alternate world. Should be interesting enough._

_So, have fun checking out all my other stories (please feel free to do so) and always check under my penname to see when the sequal will be up. I'll try and send messages to all of you once it's ready._

_And one final note:_

_REVIEW! Please?_


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